Review: xXx (GBA)

Triple-X is Hollywood's update of the action spy film genre dominated by James Bond. The X of the title is Xavier, (played by Vin Diesel in the film) a hotheaded extreme sports hedonist who is recruited to the CIA (by Sam L Jackson) as a super-spy.

So as day turns to night, action franchise turns to video game. And like so many others before it, xXx underwhelms enormously. I haven't seen the film, but I'm sure the game version strays away from the on screen action somehow, or this might be the script: SAM: Listen X, a terrorist group called Anarchy 99 is gonna destroy the US. Only you can stop them. VIN: What about the hundreds of highly trained Marines? SAM: Uh-uh. VIN: NATO counter-terrorist operatives? SAM: Uh-uh. VIN: What about that Scottish dude who was James Bond? SAM: He's busy. So we want you to take down Anarchy 99. VIN: How do I do that? By a mixture of powerboating with bazookas, ski shooting with AK-47s and getting jiggy with Asia Argento? SAM: No- not this time.

We want you to find a load of different coloured passcodes scattered about a level, pick them up and use them to get past unlabelled doors, defuse bombs as only an untrained new recruit can, and occasionally use your motorcycle in levels that want to be Road Rash but are more like Outrun. VIN: Damn. So that's what xXx the game is like. The first few levels are an absolute walkover once you learn to duck and shoot- the enemiesÂ’ intelligence is so low that they just shoot over your head or turn away and ignore you. Navigate the levels, find the keys, find the bombs, get out of there. Bo-ring. Then the game finds first gear in a motorcycle level, which feels great compared to the utter tripe of the opening levels. That said, it's nothing spectacular.

You follow a set route filled with curves, hills, bumps, crossroads, Turbocharge-esque lane blocks, cars on both sides of the road and thugs on bikes who wanna take you down. Fortunately, they have the intelligence of your typical Hollywood movie goon, and are just as comfortable driving just ahead of you than beside you, trying to kick you off. So that's alright, you can concentrate on picking up fuel cans for you to reach the goal. There are three driving levels, and they are head and shoulders above the platform levels in terms of enjoyment. Alas, they are outnumbered. Back to the fold come said platform sections, bigger and badder. Fair enough then, for AK-47s in your inventory and armour-wielding enemies, yet the difficulty pitch is not even enough for my liking. For example, level 5 is too big, confusing and harder far too quickly. There are flame obstacles, drone guns, fragile floors and brighter enemies packed together, and still you have to collect passcodes and gain access to areas which could be anywhere. Why not split the level up? Why not use a colour scheme for the passcodes? Why not give a secondary objective?

The following levels do this, though they start reusing levels, harking words like 'rush', 'hack' and 'job'. Graphically, there is some good work here- there's a lovely vertical parallax effect when you jump on a bridge, revealing other bridges in the distance. The animation is reminiscent of Prince of Persia, with X's limbs bouncing up and down when he walks. There are plentiful touches like corridor lights, ground flames and the cross roads of the driving levels that serve the game well, but they can't hide the lack of gameplay, or that the colour scheme chosen for the platform levels is the same as too many other GBA games- Laura Ashley's 'a shade of murk' that hinders visibility.

In presentation terms, we are given a decent but brief intro sequence, percentages of accuracy and enemies killed, plus the percentage of the game completed- which gets startling high very soon because of xXx's eleven (plus one bonus) level. I can't understand the logic of either these statistics- you can't choose which level to replay so you can't better your scores, and you can't choose to play the more enjoyable driving levels. There's no password saves though- they're all on the cart. The sound is a mixture of FX and an unmemorable theme tune.

As the movie Vin Diesel choose to propel him to stardom, you could be forgiven to think that he didn't need another mention, but Mr Diesel has had the foresight to setup his own games company. xXx could only be better if the man himself had made it, even in dark basic. This is a shoddy piece of license work with flashes of potential (which the film has in bundles) but too much is gaming by numbers, and overall it leaves you cold. It's not so much xXx but late night Channel 5 softcore Shannon Tweed sludge. Invest your cash in the DVD, or peruse the 'special interest' section of Amazon for something with three X's that's more worthwhile. Or you could get a nice packet of mints.

Rating: 3 / 10

Words by Chris Faires